We have been home for six days as a family. Every night I say I am going to update the blog but it just doesn't happened, sorry for the wait! We are so happy...happy isn't even the right word to describe it. Joy, complete, whole, peaceful, right. My heart feels right. We are all together. We belong. We fit. it took so long but here we are together reading bedtime stories, going to the park as a family, leaving notes and pictures under each others pillows and finding the word "Femeli" aka: "Family" written on scrap pieces of paper around the house...this is right.
We have our uphill challenges for sure but just being together makes everything else seem easy. Our sweet Sergei gets shy and lonely for Ukraine. It is hard not to talk to him in Russian, I know he misses hearing his own language, his friends, his culture. I went into his room late one night and he was sleep talking in Russian...I would have killed to understand what he was saying! He has been the father to Maksym his whole life, we have two Papas at our house right now, Papa Kevin and Papa Sergei. We will be slowly reestablishing roles for everyone. Maksym emotionally has been put through so much during his 6 years of life. He is adjusting but has 2-3 tantrums a day lasting about an hour which Sergei feels pressure to calm him down. It is hard for them both. It is Maksym's way of saying "What the .... just happened to my my life people and why is this lady always talking funny to me?!" I hear Sergei getting up several times in the night to check on his brother...Papa Sergei. Sergei is one good kid. He has a great friend Alex who lives in Provo, Utah who he knows from the orphanage. It is a gift having the Gardnier family in our life...WE LOVE THEM SO MUCH!
We got home and started introducing the kids to one family each day. For those who do not know us, we have a HUGE family. That seemed to be too much for the boys and we really needed to focus on our little family. We needed to show Max that families are special and that this little group of people will always be here, always. We stopped taking calls and emails (SORRY) I just could not make it to my computer or phone fast enough! Every night someone falls asleep after me and Kevin and every morning someone wakes up before us, with a few night wakings in-between. We are pooped but so, so happy.
Suzy, Pearl and Charlotte have been kind, loving, patient and overall just great sisters. They love their brothers who often times drive them crazy. The kids are getting along and they really do love each other. Kevin was back to work Monday, we have our family pool pass, annual aquarium pass and bikes for everyone so we are keeping busy...Kev and I are the only ones who seemed utterly exhausted at the end of the day.
Our sweet neighbors/ward have had hot dinners at our house every night...enough for 50 kids instead of 5! We are so grateful. Each meal is made with love...we know it. The recipes are family favorites and they have been wonderful to put it lightly.
As we focus on bonding with Maksym and establishing family roles you might not see too much of us but slowly we will get out to see everyone. We know you are all DYING to meet these boys...you brought them to us and they are just perfect. Perfect to us...even if we do not have any doorknobs left in six-months. Boys ARE different...Dana and my friends with boys have been saying it for years and they are right. Different but great!
I am letting Sergei decorate his own room....call me crazy but he deserves it. I was trying to talk him into his name above his bed....I of course got two thumbs WAY down for that one. Hey a Mom can try right!?
More in a few days...five kids in the backyard waiting for some fun!
I just love you so much!! xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteYou are all AMAZING. I know it's hard, but it's right and you'll be paid back for all those sleepless nights someday. Over time, we all adjust to whatever our new circumstances are. You are so wise to keep the boys centered for a while. We love you and are praying for you...from Ukraine!!
ReplyDeletePlease don't hesitate to call if you ever need a translator. It sounds like you have a good idea of how to handle things. You are strong and amazing people.
ReplyDeleteYou don't know me but I think I went to school with your sister Dana. My name is Wendy (Johnson) Richhart and I found you off another adoption blog.
ReplyDeleteWe adopted our 5th child (after having four biological) from Ukraine three years ago. He was ten at the time. He is doing fabulous now but that first year was so very, very hard.
I just wanted to drop you a line and tell you that things will get better. Right now, it's a whirlwind - I know. The language will come. You are doing the right thing keeping their world small.
If you ever need an understanding ear - or just a shoulder that knows just how hard this adjustment is, don't hesitate to contact me. Our blog is blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com
Wendy - this is Dana. I skimmed your blog, it's great and a great resource! So glad you found my sister's blog. You have a darling family.
DeleteDana! How are you? I ran into Cindy Horton Dye at the MHS senior all night party and she told me about your sister adopting but honestly? I found her blog from another blog. Buchmiller is not your run of the mill name and I knew this had to be your sister!
DeleteThanks for visiting my blog - I use to be very diligent and used it as therapy to get through that first trying year.
We also hosted our boy before going over to adopt him and I head up getting a lot of us moms together for lunch each month. Your sister is welcome to join us anytime. We're hit and miss in the summer but we usually have it the first Wednesday of the month during the school year at Leatherby's in Taylorsville. You both should come! It's so nice to talk to moms who have "been there - done that". ~Wendy
Lot's of love and prayer's during this adjustment.
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